i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
