the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
