did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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