just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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