i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
