Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
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