it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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