You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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