I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
