I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize