similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
