Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
