I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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