**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
