OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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