She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This couple is walking their pig around campus
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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