I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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