I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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