I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
