Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
