from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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