it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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