I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
