I just cut my nipple shaving
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
