Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Farmville is her only friend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
