some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
