Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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