Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
