She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
