Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize