well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
