Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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