I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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