I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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