It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
