I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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