Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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