I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
