Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
