Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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