but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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