Pappa wants mamma naked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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