Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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