We're like a lot better than the average bears
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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