I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
