OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
