sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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