My nipple is on Facebook.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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