I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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