the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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