the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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