fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
