After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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