my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
