i think my mom watched the whole time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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