She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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