Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
