I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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