Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
