Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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