mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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