I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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