This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
