i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So vagazzling was a success
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
