i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
