it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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