God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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