Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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