We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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