How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
