im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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