When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am available for nakedness
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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