One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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