I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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