you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
