In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
