im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
