i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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